10 Steps to Create a Cult of Blogebrity … a la Xiaxue
Using XiaXue as an example, allow me to present 10 simple ways to create your own cult of personality in the blogosphere:
- Create a unique vocabulary for your posts. If you’re multilingual, cutely misspelling english words will do, or if you only speak one language, feel free to create a good amount of your own words. Just don’t overdoe it. If your writing starts to sound like anything James Joyce, you’ve probably gone too far…
- Continuously post photos that clearly show just how hot you are, while at the same time complaining how ugly you look in the shots. The subtle contrast will rock your readers. Only post the absolute best photos, followed with the most denigrating self-criticism. People will marvel at how humble and pretty you are, and teenage boys drool…
- Real bloggers don’t have comments. Real bloggers have additional mammaries on an elk.
- To keep people reading your really long blog entries, don’t post actual paragraphs of narrative, as people won’t read them all the way through. Really, you just want one, maybe two short sentences to digest at a time. Your readers are like children in kindergarten–don’t assume they can read.
- 40% of your punctuation should be an exclamation mark (!). The period (.) is outdated and small in comparison. Using more periods only dilutes the effect of the glorious exclamation mark!!!!!!!!!!!
- When there’s something to argue about, present side A, side B, and side Q, and then mix them all together until you can’t tell which one is which and don’t know which you prefer. There’s power in what is unknown and illogical. Your readers will think you are wise as they skim over the post…
- If people aren’t paying enough attention to you, drop a note about your newest self-created fan club, or a professional photoshoot with makeup and clothes, or even mention your great exclusive book deal. Dropping bling makes your blog 100% authentically better than everyone else’s.
- Be really rude to your readers. The more you insult them, the more they’ll return… but only if you prefice your rant with “I don’t mean to be rude…”
- Get hacked, a lot. Getting hacked shows how popular you are.
- To bring a sense of reality to your blog, occasionally talk about friends or family in a wistful tone before you go back to posting hot pictures of yourself schmoozing with high society.
Try it–it really works.
This entry was posted on Sunday, July 31st, 2005 at 7:14 pm and is tagged with professional photoshoot, cult of personality, xiaxue, mammaries, best photos, exclamation mark, self criticism, james joyce, blogosphere, teenage boys, drool, bling, punctuation, fan club, paragraphs, vocabulary, sentences, makeup, narrative, kindergarten. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback.
on July 31st, 2005 at 10:24 pm
I think my eyes just started bleeding from all that pink. On the bright side, she does use a lot of exclamation marks and short paragraphs. (Gotta love that logic.)
The sad/interesting/sick part is that she probably is popular in some circles (Do individuals count as circles? What if they’re fat? ) because people are like, you know, reading the site!!!! Or at least looking at her, which at first glance isn’t a bad thing.
Until she starts writing.
But I guess if you do something long enough people will start to follow. Some because they don’t have anything better to do and some out of morbid curiosity. In that case, more power to her. Maybe one day she’ll be invited to do a TV show and her blog can get hacked again! How cool would that be?! I mean like, ‘coz it’s cool to be hacked. It means you’re important, sorta like having a plastic plant in your corner cubicle.
on August 1st, 2005 at 6:29 am
Oh. My. I hope to never be on your bad side…but this did make for an amusing morning chuckle.
But now I have the urge to run quickly back and get rid of all the purple and pink on my own website…
on August 1st, 2005 at 2:02 pm
***** always beats any real content.
on August 2nd, 2005 at 10:51 pm
nice..
on February 10th, 2006 at 11:27 am
[…] If not, here’s how. […]
on June 18th, 2006 at 7:20 am
nordette…
nordette
Do not sleep in a eucalyptus tree tonight.
…
on April 29th, 2008 at 11:52 pm
I think you’ve nailed it.
Xiaxue is certainly an attention seeking Internet hits hook**. I think a person shouldn’t be so famous for being so daft. The world already has a Paris Hilton.