Christopher Paolini

A beautiful photo of a dragonfruit, which looks difficult to eat

The author of award-winning children’s fantasy novels Eragon and Eldest is certainly not I, and yet a post which was supposed to clear the matter up only made it worse. Here is a small selection of the fanmail I’ve received over the years:

• A short story titled Warriors of Lost Time. The story is obsessed with adjective razor-sharp (”… me with a scimitar and small gladiator shield that’s razor sharp all around, Drake with a razor sharp crescent blade …”), includes completely unbelievable events (”That’s when we realized that we had slept for 45 years without knowing it…”), and abuses narrative surprise (”So we went to the mountains and tried to mine but we found dwarves. Dwarves! We couldn’t believe our eyes.”).
• Many short inquiries of the nature, “if this is christophere paolini please email me back cos i want to ask some questions and i love ure books.”
• International fanmail, “I am 17-aged Corean girl, (do you know ‘Corea’ anyway?).”

A Wedding Photographer

A couple being married; hopefully happy

It was interesting when I received an email asking for wedding photography services:

My wife and i are planning to have our wedding on September 27th, 2006 at St Paul’s Church Bow Common Burdett Road,. I am looking for the best photographer who will come and snapshot on the D-day and when i came across your email i was impressed.

It could have been a complicated bit of spam, but why would spam bother to ask me how much it would cost to have the photographs taken?

A Bored Housewife / Teenage Music Lover / Sickly Man

While I love listening to music and reading…

Apparently, I’m the kind of guy who needs to test his blood sugar frequently because of diabetes, because I was signed up for telemarketing information calls about blood meters. However, one call was all it took to get my name off their list.

I was also surprised to get “Jack Black: Welcome to BMG Music Service!” in my inbox one day. I would sign up for a CD club scheme, and yet somehow someone signed me up. A quick email took care of that problem.

The most recent “I’ve been signed up for services I didn’t want” episode was today’s Home & Garden magazine bill. I ask you–do I look like I’d read H&G?

Flemming Rose

Fire’s a bad way to die–aparently it’s quite hot.

According to the Nation, a Saudi Arabian newspaper claimed that an “Elliot Back” was the notorious editor of the “Mohammed Cartoons” and perished in a fire in his apartment. Unfortunately, neither is true. The actual culture editor of Jyllands Posten is Fleming Rose.

Various other Elliott, Elliot, Eliott, or Eliot forms

Someday someone is bound to think that I’m Missy Elliott. w00t!

Because I’ve owned the address elliott@cornell.edu for some time, people wanting to email any of the other e(l)+io(t)+@cornell.edu have often addressed me incorrectly. Moreover, I’ve had companies interview me and send congratulations to a different elliott@ email address, which has been a big turn off. The problem with being an Elliott is that there are so many ways to spell it. And that’s even without the Bäck/Back/Black/Beck problem. If there’s just four ways to spell my first name and four to spell my last name, you arrive at a good fifteen ways to ruin my name.

That’s right–you’ve got a 6.25% of ever getting it right.

“It is not a good thing” for that information to be in the public domain, said Lt. Col Bruce Alexander, director of public affairs for the Air Mobility Command’s 89th Airlift Wing, Andrews Air Force Base, which operates the presidential air transport fleet. “We are concerned with how it got there and how we can get it out. This affects operational security.”

Information about Secret Service stations and anti-aircraft missile technology is considered especially sensitive. However, in the interest of public freedom of information, I’ve searched google for information about the VC-25, also known as the “Air Force One.” Here’s what I found:

Exploitable delicate areas of the VC-25:

Titled Aircraft Hazards, this document includes a description of where the Infrared Countermeasures (IRCM) unit is located, the temperature and noise levels of its four engines, where oxygen tanks are located in the plane, entry and exit points, emergency engine shutdown controls, and security placement.

Here are snapshots of the interesting slides, a visual guide to the Air Force One VC-25:

Basic facts about the VC-25:

A special transportation report gives a slide with basic information about the VC-25, such as airspeed, dimensions, range, and other statistical snippets. The photo is reproduced below:

None of this is classified, top secret, etc, but it could definitely be used negatively. For more information, please consider the following resources:

• Wizbang Blog
• Benton Republicans
• UrbanNerd
• Digg