Fifteen ways to get a wife, by example from the Bible [via]:

1. Find an attractive prisoner of war, bring her home, shave her head, trim her nails, and give her new clothes. Then she’s yours.
– (Deuteronomy 21:11-13)
2. Find a prostitute and marry her.
– Hosea (Hosea 1:1-3)

3. Find a man with seven daughters, and impress him by watering his flock.
– Moses (Exodus 2:16-21)

4. Purchase a piece of property, and get a woman as part of the deal.
– Boaz (Ruth 4:5-10)

5. Go to a party and hide. When the women come out to dance, grab one and carry her off to be your wife.
– Benjaminites (Judges 21:19-25)

6. Have God create a wife for you while you sleep. Note: this will cost you a rib.
– Adam (Genesis 2:19-24)

7. Agree to work seven years in exchange for a woman’s hand in marriage. Get tricked into marrying the wrong woman. Then work another seven years for the woman you wanted to marry in the first place. That’s right. Fourteen years of toil for a woman.
– Jacob (Genesis 29:15-30)

8. Cut off 200 foreskins off of your future father-in-law’s enemies and get his daughter for a wife.
– David (I Samuel 18:27)

9. Even if no one is out there, just wander around a bit and you’ll definitely find someone. (It’s all relative of course.)
– Cain (Genesis 4:16-17)

10. Become the emperor of a huge nation and hold a beauty contest.
– Xerxes or Ahasuerus (Esther 2:3-4)

11. When you see someone you like, go home and tell your parents, “I have seen a …woman; now get her for me.” If your parents question your decision, simply say, “Get her for me. She’s the one for me.”
– Samson (Judges 14:1-3)

12. Kill any husband and take HIS wife. (Prepare to lose your son though).
– David (2 Samuel 11)

13. Wait for your brother to die. Take his widow. (It’s not just a good idea, it’s the law).
– Onan and Boaz (Deuteronomy or Leviticus, example in Ruth)

14. Don’t be so picky. Make up for quality with quantity.
– Solomon (1 Kings 11:1-3)

15. A wife?…NOT!!!
– Paul (1 Corinthians 7:32-35)

This entry was posted on Monday, October 10th, 2005 at 5:30 pm and is tagged with wrong woman, christian wife, ahasuerus, foreskins, xerxes, beauty contest, boaz, hosea, onan, david i, prisoner of war, fourteen years, toil, exodus, flock, seven years, genesis, emperor, prostitute, moses. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback.

7 Responses to “Get yourself a Christian Wife”

1. MAGH says:

   11/14/2010 at 4:21 am

   Hello to all heavenly Father Believers!
   My name is MAGH it’s abbreviation of my name because of security and I’m 28 year old man. Since 2005 I transfer my religious from Muslim to Christian and I’m living in a country that all the people are Muslim and their population 100% are Muslim and I’m looking for a Christian wife to some other countries which I cannot get marry here with Muslim girls I mean they didn’t accept me. Also I don’t have security here. If anyone seeing and reading my message please answer and help me by the name Jesus!
   Amin!

   Reply
   • Jesta2012 says:

     5/4/2012 at 8:32 pm

     Move to a country where they are not so many Muslims go online on dating sites or something Christian ones google them

     Reply
2. Kirk C, says:

   2/16/2009 at 10:08 am

   I wish i could find a nice lady to be with, and share things with that really cared , i see alot of woman in the body that are totally superficial and have no patience and only want the me thing, that dont work,
   i mean I get along better with some younger woman under high scool age,
   but my own age theres nothing but BSers and ones you cant even talk to about anything as they are totally self absorbed intto the making money thing or showing off in some way,
   why is there soo many cristian woman that are mental cases,
   I mean they cant handle anything not love not touching not talking nothing,
   Im a 48 yr old guy , nice looking not bald, manners personality
   but i see women goingn for a person thats a nothing and trying to change him when God is the only one that can change you,
   its not looks that gets me but whats inside that matters
   her spirit not her looks,

   Reply
3. AGUMKOM says:

   3/1/2008 at 3:41 pm

   I need a chubby lady who loves the Lord. Thanks

   Reply
4. Patrick says:

   12/2/2005 at 7:54 pm

   No cure for baldness… but if kids ever make fun of your bald spot, you could always ask for some bears.

   He went up from there to Bethel. As he was traveling up the road, some young boys23 came out of the city and made fun of him, saying, “Go on up, baldy! Go on up, baldy!” 24 When he turned around and saw them, he called God’s judgment down on them.24 Two female bears came out of the woods and ripped forty-two of the boys to pieces. 25 From there he traveled to Mount Carmel and then back to Samaria. (2Kings 2.23-25)

   Reply
5. eeore says:

   10/10/2005 at 5:43 pm

   I knew I was doing something wrong….

   And in truth I never realised the Bible was such a useful source for dating tips.

   Does it have anything to say on the subject of stemming a receeding hairline?

   Reply
   • Jesta2012 says:

     5/4/2012 at 8:36 pm

     Yeah it does Jesus said ask and you shall receive also he said he will give you the desires of your heart

     Reply